Of Women Past
by Mino-Gin-Ookami
Summary: Gohan goes to Master Roshi for advice on how to get a woman to notice him. He gets far more information than he bargained for.    This was written for a contest on dA. One-shot.


Of Women Past

Gohan sat on the couch nervously biting the inside of his lip. He'd flown out to Kame House on some very important business that he hoped Master Roshi could help him with. Something he doubted his father knew very much about (he was so clueless sometimes) but that he though Master Roshi might be considered…well, a master in. At least, in his younger days.

Taking a seat next to him, the older man settled in before taking a swig from his beer. "So, son, how can I help you?"

"Well Master Roshi…you see, I have this problem and I thought maybe you could help."

"What is it?" he asked propping his feet up on the coffee table.

"I just thought…you know a lot about women, right?" Gohan asked, shifting nervously.

"Boy, you came to the right place! What do you want to know?" The old man was once again sitting up, his expression now that of a grinning old pervert.

"I want to know…how to get a girl to notice you…"

"Ah, got your eye on some young vixen, have you?" Master Roshi said, a twinkle in his eye. "Well, I'll tell you, when I was your age, I had my pick of women. I was strong, handsome, and smooth. If you really want a woman to notice you, you have to do something dangerous. I once wrestled an alligator to get a girl to notice me. By the time I was done with him, that alligator had no teeth left."

"Did it work?" asked Gohan, a hint of skepticism in his voice.

"You bet it did," the man replied with a toothy grin, "She was all over me after that. And this one time, a woman…don't remember her name…saw me defending myself against some thugs. She was quite the looker and had a great set of boobs," Gohan watched as Master Roshi's hands creep up as if to cup the pair he'd been imagining and a faint blush graced his cheeks.

"And then there was Tina…or Tonya…maybe Ashley. Her backside was the firmest I've ever had my hands on. Like squeezing a pair of stress balls. Quite the forearm workout, if I remember right," his laugh was all husky old man as his fingers made a grabbing motion. "Yeah, to get her to notice me I rescued a vicious cat from tree taller than anyone can imagine."

Gohan can feel the heat in his face increase as Master Roshi continues. "And Kelly, now I had to do pretty risky stuff for that one, if you know what I mean," he paused for a second to let Gohan respond but when he didn't, Master Roshi added, "her jugs were the size of watermelons," he holds his hands out in front of his own chest to demonstrate his meaning.

"I…ah…think that's a bit bigger than a watermelon…" Gohan pointed out, wondering if perhaps his father would have been the better choice.

Master Roshi waved off his comment, his sunglasses looking slightly steamed over and his imagination running wild. "Yes, she had some nice ones…"

"Master Roshi…" Gohan started, "Um… Perhaps we can get back to my question?"

"Um…" he looked over to Gohan, the spell having been broken by Gohan's words. "What was your question again?"

"How to get a girl to…you know, to notice me?" he asked again, really think that this has been a bad idea.

"Oh, yes!" Master Roshi settled back and continued, "do something that'll get her to want to have your children. If you do that, then you've got it made. She'll let you do anything. Save her life, if you can do that she'll let you grope her, among other things," a perverted grin spread slowly across his face as he elbowed Gohan in the ribs.

"Uh…" Gohan said, a very pronounced blush marring his cheeks, "let's back up! I only want her to notice me…not bear my children!"

"Well," Master Roshi said, seeming to ponder it for a moment, "You have to do something big to get her attention. Go out and do something huge, take out some criminals when she's around. Women go crazy for that," he grinned again, his mind getting lost on someone's assets once again. "Mmm…yeah, I had quite the legacy with the women. They'd crawl all over me whenever I'd do something dangerous and daring."

Gohan sighed, he wasn't sure if this was going to be any help, and he could tell that Master Roshi was too far gone in his own fantasy about some woman he'd probably never met to be of any more help. "Well…thanks anyway, Master Roshi," he muttered to himself as he slipped out of the room to leave the old man to his perverted fantasies.


End file.
